Too Soon to Say Goodbye by Osborn, Kosman, Gordon

Too Soon to Say Goodbye by Susan Titus Osborn, MA; Karen L. Kosman; Jeenie Gordon, MS, MA, LMFT Trade Paperback: 207 pages Publisher: New Hope Press First Released: 2010

Source: Review copy from the publisher.

Back Cover Description:
Suicide touches too many.

You may have lost a loved one or friend to suicide. Maybe at some time in your life you were suicidal, or you know someone who is depressed. In these pages, you'll find stories shared by people who have walked where you are now. They are ordinary people who have overcome the darkness that invaded their lives. Light shines for them once again, and it can for you, too.

*Real-life stories of hope and redemption
*Questions for reflection
*Inspiring Scripture
*Insights from a counseling professional
*Uplifting poetry


Review:
Too Soon to Say Goodbye is a book of hope and healing for those whose lives have been touched by suicide or who are experiencing suicidal thoughts. The book was mainly made up of stories a page or two long written by people who have lost a loved one or friend to suicide, who have considered suicide, or who have helped people who are suicidal. There was some connecting commentary, and the two counseling professionals drew out the important points made in these stories.

This was a Christian book, so Scripture was used to help people find or hold on to the hope they have in Christ. I liked the biblical points they brought out. (For those wanting to know, the authors don't think that someone who commits suicide automatically goes to hell, and they gave biblical reasons to support their position.)

Chapters one through five were about the various stages of grief that the loved ones and friends of someone who committed suicide go through and how to find healing when people around you don't know how to react or offer comfort. This section is also useful for those who want to know how to best help and comfort someone who has lost a loved one to suicide.

Chapters six through ten touched on the main causes of suicide (depression, divorce, bi-polar disorder, etc.). The stories were mainly by those who almost committed suicide but pulled back from the edge (and how that occurred and what their life is like today) and by those who helped save someone from suicide (either before they tried it or when they were in the middle of the act).

The last two chapters were stories of those whose loved one committed suicide and covered how they dealt with the grief long-term and how they've healed.

If you're looking for a clinical book of facts about suicide, then this is not the right book for you. The focus of this book is to let those who are struggling know that there are others out there who have gone through the exact same things and how they made it--that there is hope. Some of the facts about suicide come out, by they weren't the focus of the book.

I'd recommend this book to anyone dealing with a suicide of a loved one or who wants to comfort those who have lost a loved one to suicide. While this book would be beneficial for those who are struggling with suicidal thoughts, this book alone probably isn't enough. (If you're looking for additional books, What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do is a quick, practical book that has a good section on depression.)


If you've read this book, what do you think about it? I'd be honored if you wrote your own opinion of the book in the comments.


Excerpt from Chapter Seven (page 109)
I Almost Took My Life
Kathy Collard Miller

As the train rumbled past the East Coast countryside, my thoughts were as piercing as the screeching wheels of the train. Why did Greg kill himself? He was a distant relative whom I rarely saw, yet the news of Greg's suicide made tears fill my eyes. Oh, to be that full of despair.

In the past I'd struggled with suicidal feelings. I glanced over at my 28-year-old sleeping daughter. If I had acted on those feelings, I wouldn't have the fabulous mother-daughter relationship I now enjoyed with Darcy.

But 26 years earlier, my depression and life had careened out of control. Larry and I had celebrated our seventh anniversary, but it wasn't a happy occasion. Unwisely, I asked again, "Larry, why do you work so many hours? Having a two-year-old and a newborn is hard work. I need you to help me."

"Kathy, I try to help you. Being a policeman is demanding. I'm working all those hours to secure our financial future."

I knew I'd spoiled our time together. Silence again surrounded us, and a fog of hopelessness encircled me. My thoughts turned inward. Kathy, you never do anything right. Larry hates you. Then in my own defense, I mentally screamed, I hate him too. Doubts and fear haunted me. Will we get a divorce? Why can't we talk? We used to be in love. Then I prayed silently, Lord, we're Christians. We're not supposed to act like this. What's wrong?

Often I prayed for my marriage and my angry reactions to our 2-year-old daughter. My anger toward Darcy escalated when I felt rejected by Larry. Her strong-willed nature resisted toilet training and resulted in constant temper tantrums that wore me down. Constantly I yelled at her. But that wasn't all. My reactions had deteriorated into angry spanking, kicking, and pushing, and I felt totally powerless to stop my behaviors.

[The rest of the story is in the book.]

Book Quotes: Working as if for Jesus

From The Male Factor by Shaunti Feldhahn (p. 297-298):

Mallory has spent her career in corporate training. She has worked in nurturing environments and in difficult ones, and the one thing she most wanted to advise young women is this:

Treat everything you do as if you're doing it for Jesus. That's not just your boss. If the person you're working with were Jesus, would you be talking to him that way? Dressing like that? When I tackle something that is frustrating or I think is beneath me, and I start to wonder, "Why am I doing this?" I will literally think, "Wait a second, I'm doing this for Jesus."

Also, if you really think of it as if you were working for Jesus, not for man, would you start crying if someone says something petty or critical at work? When you have that vantage point, then certain things just aren't as gripping, so you won't be as thrown.

Giveaway: The Culture of the Book in Tibet

I've decided to do a giveaway for my copy of The Culture of the Book in Tibet by Kurtis R. Schaeffer. To learn more about the book, you can read my review.

One copy is being given away. This giveaway is for USA residents only.


To enter the giveaway:

1) you can twitter me saying "Hi @genrereviewer Please enter me to win THE CULTURE OF THE BOOK IN TIBET. Another book by @ColumbiaUP is __________." (Include another title published by Columbia University Press. Hint: Look here.)

OR

2) You can leave a comment to this post asking to be entered and giving another title published by Columbia University Press. Please leave some way for me to contact you if you win.

The winner will be randomly selected. I'll announce the winner at noon (Central Time) on February 11, 2010 on this blog. If you entered using twitter, I'll send you a @ or DM telling you of your win and asking where to send the book. If you entered using the blog comments, you'll need to leave your e-mail address or check back to see if you won so you can e-mail me your shipping address.

I hope everyone has fun with this!

The Culture of the Book in Tibet by Kurtis R. Schaeffer

The Culture of the Book in Tibet by Kurtis R. Schaeffer Hardback: 264 pages Publisher: Columbia University Press First Released: 2009 Publisher's Book Page

Source: Review copy from the publisher.

Back Cover Description:
The history of the book in Tibet involves more than literary trends and trade routes. Functioning as material, intellectual, and symbolic object, the book has been an instrumental tool in the construction of Tibetan power and authority, and its history opens a crucial window onto the cultural, intellectual, and economic life of an immensely influential Buddhist society.

Spanning the fourteenth to the eighteenth centuries, Kurtis R. Schaeffer envisions the scholars and hermits, madmen and ministers, kings and queens who produced Tibet's massive canons. He describes how Tibetan scholars edited and printed works of religion, literature, art, and science and what this indicates about the interrelation of material and cultural practices. The Tibetan book is at once the embodiment of the Buddha's voice, a principal means of education, a source of tradition and authority, an economic product, a finely crafted aesthetic object, a medium of Buddhist written culture, and a symbol of the religion itself. Books stood at the center of debates on the role of libraries in religious institutions, the relative merits of oral and written teachings, and the economy of religion in Tibet.

A meticulous study that draws on more than 150 understudied Tibetan sources, The Culture of the Book in Tibet is the first volume to trace this singular history. Through a single object, Schaeffer accesses a greater understanding of the cultural and social history of the Tibetan plateau.


Review:
The Culture of the Book took a detailed look at book-making and the place of books in society in Tibet--a culture in which religious books are literally worshiped--during the 14th-18th centuries. While the books used in the examples were mainly Buddhist texts, the author only touched on Buddhist teachings as they related to the making, ownership, and value of the book. He covered several specific case studies where letters or texts were available which spoke about the process of making books (getting a patron, gathering materials, editing, translating, writing or cutting blocks and block printing the book, etc.) during the different centuries and in different areas of Tibet.

He also covered the social issues surrounding books, like how books were passed on after a person died, how donations were gathered to fund the expensive book-making project, and so on. The appendices contained the full text of a letter quoted in part in the book, a section explaining the contents of the Buddhist Canons for those of us who didn't know, and a chart showing the cost of making the Canon in his Degé example.

The wording used was formal but not technical, so it was easy to understand. I found the book interesting, though I felt at times like I would have gotten even more out of it if I was somewhat familiar with Tibetan Buddhism and the history during the time period covered. But maybe not. Overall, I'd recommend this book to anyone with an interest in how Tibetan Buddhism influenced book making in Tibet during the 14th-18th centuries.


If you've read this book, what do you think about it? I'd be honored if you wrote your own opinion of the book in the comments.


Excerpt from Chapter One
In the conclusion to one of his many works on esoteric Buddhist practice, Büton Rinchendrup, the great fourteenth-century scholar of Shalu monastery in west-central Tibet, recounts a story that one of his masters, Lama Pakpa O, had related to him. It was a cautionary tale about books. When Pakpa O was himself a student, his master, having grown quite old, had become unable to memorize teachings correctly. The master ordered Pakpa O to write down a certain text for him so he might read the work that now lay beyond his mnemonic abilities. Pakpa O had been explicitly ordered by another master never to write these teachings down, so this placed him in the difficult position of having to break one command in order to fulfill another. He resolved the dilemma by writing only an outline of the teachings for his aging mentor.

As Pakpa O related the tale, Büton asked that such a ban not be placed upon him, for he wished to compose a more extensive treatise on the practice. Pakpa O, seeing that he had not impressed upon his disciple the gravity of this ban on recording the teachings on paper, then offered a sort of commentary on the episode. "Writing down the instructions of an oral lineage," he began allegorically, "is like the king descending to the common people or wandering about a village. The negative consequences are manifold." And he listed the harmful costs: "The power and benefit of the instruction become vitiated. After the text exists, the practical instructions will not be sought after, and people will come to know the instruction only by obtaining the text. In the end it will become merely a reading transmission and thus the lineage of the real instruction will be severed."

Yet despite these concerns, Pakpa O consented to let Büton write "If [you] wish to do so, by all means do." But, he cautioned, "do not let the profound instructions become merely a reading transmission." The problem was not the act of putting the oral instructions down on paper, per se, but rather the danger that the transformation to a more permanent and portable communication medium might render direct master-disciple relationships unnecessary in the minds of those seeking instruction.


[From p. 142, a look at how things changed over time:]

At the beginning of a lengthy passage on the virtues of writing books [Shuchen] lists a set of ten scholarly practices that, as he says, "constitute the heart of the practice." As Shuchen himself relates, the following list is based upon the well-known work by Maitreya, Mahyantavibhaga. These practices are: 1) writing down texts of the holy teachings; 2) making offerings to books; 3) giving them to others; 4) hearing them being read by others; 5) reading them for oneself; 6) acquiring books; 7) explaining both the words and the meaning without error; 8) reciting them; 9) contemplating their meaning; and finally 10) meditating in accordance with what is explained in books. In contrast with the importance placed on orally transmitted teachings, often held in Tibetan literature to be integral to the authoritative transmission of Buddhist teachings, Shuchen uses this scripturally sanctioned outline for religious scholarly method as a support for the enterprise of printing.

Book Quotes: American Civil War

From the Notes section of Undaunted Heart: The True Story of a Southern Belle & a Yankee General by Suzy Barile (page 173):

Atkins, "Democracy"; Fulwider, 239. Fulwider notes, "The firing on Fort Sumter, while not a surprise, presented a new situation. The issue was no longer slavery, it was the preservation of the National Union. While Stephenson County had been sharply divided on the various issues arising out of the slavery question, her people stood almost a unit on the greater question of the preservation of the Union, and how well they did their part in the greatest crisis of the nation is written in the history of her fighting men on the battlefield. Party lines were practically obliterated and Democrats and Republicans went to the front side by side, not to free the negroes, but to save a nation."

[Note, however, that the issue of slavery was a main reason the Southern states left the Union and later did become a main motivating issue for both sides of the war.]

Israel: A Nation is Born DVDs

Israel: A Nation is Born 3-Disc Series, 360 minutes total First Released: 1997

Source: I rented this 3-disk set from Netflix.

Netflix DVD Description:
Chronicling the founding of Israel, its diplomatic efforts and its struggle to survive through conflicts, this documentary is narrated by former Israeli Foreign Minister Abba Eban and features footage and interviews with Harry Truman, Winston Churchill, Anwar Sadat, David Ben-Gurion, Golda Meir, Yitzhak Rabin and more. With details of the Six Day War, the Yom Kippur War and the Egypt-Israel peace accord, figures and events come alive.

Review:
I don't normally don't review DVDs here, but this set was excellent in giving the Jewish side of many of the issues brought up in past books I've reviewed (My Hope for Peace by Jehan Sadat; Tragedy in South Lebanon by Cathy Sultan; The Making of a Human Bomb by Nasser Abufarha; Tea with Hezbollah by Ted Dekker and Carl Medearis).

It was interesting to see the Jewish perspective on how things played out, and this gave me a fuller, more rounded understanding of the events. The DVDs are obviously pro-Israel, but they don't say everything that the Israelis did was justified or right. The DVDs used footage from the time, which was very interesting to watch. While it helped to have some knowledge of the events ahead of time, I think that, overall, it was well enough explained that a person with little knowledge could clearly follow what was happening. I'd highly recommend this DVD series.

Tea with Hezbollah by Ted Dekker & Carl Medearis

Tea with Hezbollah by Ted Dekker and Carl Medearis Hardback: 247 pages Publisher: Doubleday Religion First Released: 2010 Book page on publisher website

Source: Review copy from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group.

Back Cover Description (slightly modified):
Do Muslims think it's possible to love one’s enemies? Are Muslims--our "Samaritans"--doing a better job of it than us in America/Canada?

That’s the question that sparked a fascinating and, at times, terrifying journey into the heart of the Middle East during the summer of 2008. It was a trip that began in Egypt, passed beneath the steel and glass high rises of Saudi Arabia, then wound through the bullet-pocked alleyways of Beirut and dusty streets of Damascus, before ending at the cradle of the world’s three major religions: Jerusalem.

Readers join novelist Ted Dekker and his co-author and Middle East expert, Carl Medearis, on a hair-raising journey--in every rocky cab ride, late-night border crossing, and back-room conversation as they sit down one-on-one with some of the most notorious leaders of the Arab world. These candid discussions with leaders of Hezbollah and Hamas, with muftis, sheikhs, and ayatollahs, with Osama bin Laden’s brothers, reveal these men to be real people with emotions, fears, and hopes of their own. Along the way, Dekker and Medearis discover surprising answers and even more surprising questions that they could not have anticipated—questions that lead straight to the heart of Middle Eastern conflict.


Review:
Frankly, I think the authors missed the point of Jesus' teachings. It wasn't that, if we're failing to "love our enemies," we should look to the enemies for answers because they understand how to do it better than we do. But that's how they took the "good Samaritan" parable.

Tea with Hezbollah was a travelogue of the Middle East (Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, Syria, Israel) filled with mundane sight-seeing, historical information about the area, and interviews with influential Muslims and commoners. Americans who only know what the newspapers or TV news says about the area will learn new information, but I found most of it rather superficial. Dekker put his experience in writing fiction into making this book an easy and exciting read.

A short history was given for each area, but unfortunately I spotted a number of errors throughout these sections and some parts, like the first part of the tale of Baalbek, were highly speculative to the point of being unreliable. His conclusion in Saudi Arabia that women rule the country from behind the doors would probably make Qanta A. Ahmed laugh.

Most of the interviews were very short and superficial. Only one or two had any length or contained anything of importance--and I had a feeling that one of the ones with substance was kept mainly because it had all the exciting elements of a novel.

Since the authors felt that all war and conflict would disappear if we knew "the enemy" on a personal level, the following questions were the focus of the book's interview transcripts: "What kinds of things make you laugh? What is your favorite joke? What does your wife/children/grandchildren do that makes you laugh? Do you have any hobbies? What is your favorite movie? What makes you sad? What would you say are American's greatest misconceptions of Muslims? And what are Muslims' greatest misconceptions of America? When asked what his most important teaching was, Jesus answered that it was to love the Lord your God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself. And to love your enemies. Are you familiar with this teaching?"

So a reader learns a lot about their personal tastes, a couple sentences per interview about what Muslims think about Americans, and a couple sentences about how Muslims view Jesus and Mary and the idea of loving your enemies. You only get a glimpse of what the Qur'an teaches about Isa (Jesus) from these interviews since the focus was mainly on the similarities between the teachings of Jesus in the Bible and the teachings of Isa and Mohammad in the Qur'an.

The authors constantly criticized Christianity. They stated their faith in God but referred to Jesus as a man, a great teacher, and lumped him in with Martin Luther King and Gandhi. They also stated that they don't like being called Christians, and Dekker seemed to view organized religion (including Christianity) as the cause of all war and conflict.

Basically, I don't recommend this book if you're looking for a deeper understanding of what it means to love your enemy. They never find an answer. And there are better books on understanding the conflict in the Middle East.


Before I read the book and when I thought it was something entirely different, I agreed to give away one copy of this book. If you would like this book, leave a comment saying so and include a way for me to contact you. I'll pick a winner on Feb. 2nd at noon.



Excerpt from Chapter One
"Tell me, Ted," said my good friend, "what is one thing Martin Luther King, Gandhi, and Jesus have in common?"

I thought for a moment. "They were all murdered?"

"Actually, that's right. And they all died for the same message, at least in large part. So, what was that message?"

"Tell me."

"To love your neighbor. Even if they're the enemy."

I nodded. "They make us all look like hypocrites. Is it really possible to love your enemy?"

We both fell into a few moments of introspection. Then Carl looked up with bright eyes.

"Why don't we find out?"

"Okay."

"Seriously." That word. "Why don't we go to this country's greatest so-called enemies and ask them what they think about this scandalous teaching."

"The Middle East?"

"Not just the Middle East. The Hamas, the Hezbollah. The greatest minds and influencers in Islam."

"And ask them what they think of Martin Luther King, Gandhi, and Jesus?"

"Well, it's a thought. The parable of the Samaritan is probably the most famous teaching on loving your neighbors. Muslims revere Jesus, who gave the teaching. We could start with that."

He actually was serious.